the new normal

I've been back at work now for nearly three weeks. And it's been a tough three weeks. We're both so grateful to have the support of family - and wonderful grandmas who give of their time to watch our little boy. But wow - it's hard.

Beyond the fact that I have to leave him each day, our new normal is defined by new logistics. It's amazing how one tiny little person can require so much effort! I try to do as much in the evenings as possible after Peyton goes to bed - pack diaper bag, make my lunch, pre-set the coffee maker, do a little cleaning and pick up. And - oh yeah - try to spend a little time with my husband. Fortunately, I have a fabulous husband who makes dinner every night and is a great dad. And he's learning how to deal with poopy diapers.

I view work differently now. Before Peyton, I worked a lot. In early and out late. Some weekends. But now, if I make it there by 8:00, I'm lucky (some of that has to do with all of the snow we've gotten lately - it takes forever to get anywhere). And I'm out at 5:00. That is made a bit easier by the fact that my job has changed and I can focus solely on writing copy. That's a blessing. But it's also about making better choices with my time.

I'm continuing to search for a part time job, since I do need to continue to work (I wish Wedgwood paid more than the pittance that they do - or that I didn't make as much as I do. Wait - maybe I shouldn't wish that). They are out there - they just need to pay enough. We don't live extravagantly, we don't have significant amounts of consumer debt, but we do need enough to pay our monthly bills and hopefully have a little left over.

Peyton is wonderful and has been easy going about this change in his life. He'll be 3 months old tomorrow, and he's cooing, smiling, grabbing at things - right on with all of those milestones. We'll take lots of 3 month pictures this weekend and I will try to get them posted soon.

changes

So many changes coming at me so fast. This is the last week of my maternity leave. I'm trying hard to stay positive and upbeat, but I'm also trying to be realistic. Next Monday (and the days following) are going to be very difficult, and I just need to be prepared for that.

Big changes at work. As of our new fiscal year (which started yesterday), I'm now on the brand development team. That means new boss, new office and some different responsibilities. It's a move that makes sense given what I do, and I like and know the person I'll be reporting to (our VP of brand development). I've seen my new office - so much more space! And I'll no longer be doing pagination of the catalog. I won't miss that at all - the process was very political and often stressful. It makes much more sense for one of our graphic designers to do it, and that's who is now handling it. Yeah!!

But bigger than those changes is the fact that several of my good friends are no longer employed at FCS. Eight positions were eliminated on Friday in a cost-savings effort (we had a not-so-good 2007 and a bad Christmas). Two of those positions belonged to people I was closest to at work. It's going to be weird not having them there. We haven't had a round of lay-offs like that in several years. That's a good thing, because they used to be a more regular occurence, but it came as quite a surprise. So I'm not the only one dealing with a new reality and lots of changes - and while some of my changes are difficult, their changes are much more so.

Oh - as a continuation of my last post...last night was the broadcast of Mansfield Park on Masterpiece Theatre. It was pretty awful. The basic storyline of the book was there, but that's about it.

a few of my favorite things

I discovered Jane Austen in college. As an English major, I never had to read any of her novels, but I was introduced to her through the lovely BBC production of Pride and Prejudice, which aired on A&E and was taped by my parents. I continue to love this movie, but it was also a gateway to the books, which I love even more. They are some of my favorite things - funny, engrossing stories that are a pleasure to read.

PBS has revamped Masterpiece Theatre and relaunched the program with The Complete Jane Austen (you can learn more about it www.pbs.org/masterpiece).

So far, the dramatizations of Persuasion and Northanger Abbey have been shown. I've read Persuasion (excellent!) and seen a wonderful movie version starring Ciaran Hinds. The PBS version was pretty disappointing. For one thing, it was far too short so the entire story felt hurried. And some fairly important scenes and dialogue was cut, shortened or changed. While I understand the need to do some of that when trying to fit a story lik this into 80 or 90 minutes, there's no need to mess with key scenes - especially the ending, which is beautiful in the book and terrible in this movie version.

I've not read or seen another version of Northanger Abbey, so I enjoyed last night's movie a bit more, though I had the suspicion that it, too, was rushed. I'm going to be reading the book so I'll know for sure.

One of my favorite blogs to visit - especially now that these movies have started - is www.austenblog.com. Fun posts and intelligent discussion of all things Austen.

And since I'm trying to get myself back into work mode, here are a few more of my favorite things. This fall, I had the opportunity to interview two of my favorite artists - Amy Grant and Sara Groves. We had Amy Grant's records when I was little (I still can remember where our Age to Age record would skip when I now listen to the CD) and certain songs bring back memories from various times of my life. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it now, but spring break of my freshman year of high school, my family traveled to Nashville for a few days and we visited as many Amy landmarks as possible (let's just say I have very loving and patient parents. That was pretty much the first time we'd gone anywhere for spring break - and that's how we spent some of it!Not sure how Kevin felt about all of that). While I'm no longer that geeky 15-year-old (well, at least I'm not 15 any more), I was still excited and pretty nervous about talking to her. Plus, I always feel weird interviewing people over the phone - it feels kind of stilted and not like a real conversation. Anyway, you can find the interview here: www.familychristian.com/amygrant

Sara Groves has been a favorite of mine for several years now. I love her music, her songwriting, her heart and her normal-ness. She's just started working with The James Fund, Family's non-profit organization that benefits orphans and widows (www.jamesfund.org) so I'm hoping she'll be in Grand Rapids a little more often. Her new album is fantastic - but all of her albums are! Here's the Sara Groves interview: www.familychristian.com/saragroves

love at first sight

Peyton smiles are the best!

Much to my dismay, my maternity leave is winding down. Only three weeks left. It's gone so incredibly fast. Peyton and I visited work yesterday and it hit me - again - that I have to go back. I really like the people I work with and what I do, but going back is the last thing I want to do. I'm continuing to search for and pray about a part-time job so that I don't have to work full time. It's difficult to describe the ache I feel when I think about not being with him all day. The day he was born, I remember thinking "How is it possible to love someone I've just met this much?"

That thought hit me again last weekend when Pete and I went to see the movie Juno (we actually got out of the house to go on a date!) It's a funny, quirky movie about a 16-year-old girl who gets pregnant and decides to give her baby up for adoption. While it's a very funny movie, there are several very poignant scenes at the end (I won't describe them - don't want to spoil anything if you see the movie) that brought me to tears and all I could think was "I want to hug my baby right now." Wow -those women who give their babies up for adoption are doing such a selfless, beautiful thing. (I'm glad you work for Bethany, Dad!)

This is not meant to be a downer of a post, but I would appreciate prayers as we make this transition and as I search for a job that's more "family-friendly."

five weeks

What an amazing (and busy!) five weeks it's been. It has been a joy to get to know our little boy and to be his parents. Here are some of what's been going on:

• The first night home, we put Peyton in his crib. He hated it, so we brought him in to our room, alternating time between his swing and our chests. That made for long nights, so by the end of his first week at home, we were completely exhausted. At our first visit with the pediatrician, we asked him about this, and he recommended letting Peyton cry it out in his crib. So with great trepidation (on my part), we did it. Both Peyton and I cried, but we made it through and now the crib isn't so bad (though sometimes it takes him a little while to settle down).
  
• We've made it through the first cold. Scary for mom, but it really didn't seem to phase him.


• Peyton generally sleeps 3-4 hours at a time during the night, and eats every 2-3 hours during the day. Nursing that often limits things I could get done and the ability to be away from him, but at this point, it's not such a bad thing. It has forced me to slow down a bit, and I'm able to read more. :)
  
• He is very loved by his grandparent, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins - that's a joy.


• He loves hanging out with daddy and doing the Crickler puzzle on the Washington Post's website.


• We're seeing more and more smiles, especially in the last week or so. Really, I don't think there's anything better than seeing your baby smile at you - especially when he has such cute dimples!


• A baby does change everything about your life, but being a mommy and a daddy is amazing.

Here are some more pictures of our little man:

Daddy cutting the cord on the day Peyton was born.

The day we came home from the hospital.

In front of our Christmas tree.

With cousin Gavin at Grandpa and Grandma Meyering's on Christmas Eve.

Opening presents with Daddy.

With cousins (and future babysitters!) Kitty and Tori.

Busy Day Two

Peyton had a couple more visitors today. Sheri (a co-worker of Amy's) came with her 3-year-old Cora but they couldn't see him because he was off recovering from his circumcision. They were able to see him through the window to the nursery. Then Mark (a co-worker of Pete), his wife Amy and their two kids - Luke and Blake also stopped by and saw Peyton through the window to the nursery.

On top of getting snipped, Peyton also got an ultrasound to check on his hydronephrosis (extra fluid in the kidney) and a blood test for rare diseases.

He's feeding well and a little more alert. I don't know what Meyering features to look for (and I'm sure he has some) but I think he looks more and more like an Anderson all the time.

Lots of Love

Peyton had a lot of visitors last night and pretty much slept through the whole thing. Everyone thinks he's cute, but what would you expect with the a parents he has?

His grandma and grandpa Meyering came first and then his Uncle Kevin and Aunt Katie. Cousins Gavin and Anne Hope couldn't come because of sniffles but we eagerly anticipate their chance to meet him.
Grandma and Grandpa Anderson came next followed by Uncle Phil, Aunt Dawn and his cousins: Tori, Kitty, Annie and Henry. Henry got to hold Peyton before his sisters and then, after everybody else got a turn, he wanted another one. He seemed very happy with his new cousin but thought we should give him a different name. He didn't offer any suggestions apart from "not Henry." After a little break, Uncle Paul and Aunt Sarah came to see him.

Everyone commented that he looked a little different than his picture that I already posted and he looks a little different even this morning .

An Extra Reason to Be Thankful

Peyton James Anderson arrived at 11:52 AM today on Thanksgiving day. He is healthy and his mom is doing very well too - for that we are especially thankful.




He is 8 pounds even and 19 inches long.

patience

I think it's safe to say that Pete and I are in a season of learning patience. Or maybe just practicing it, since learning patience strikes me as a lifelong endeavor.

Of course, where we're practicing it the most is in these final weeks and days before our baby arrives. Our visit to the hospital and our five hours of contractions made everything seem so much more imminent. But here we are, still waiting. That's not a bad thing - it's given our son an opportunity to grow and develop like he should. We're much more practically prepared than we were (though there are still a few things we need, and there's still work to be done on the room, but that may be what I do while I'm enjoying 12 weeks off of work). And while I think it's been harder for Pete than it has been for me, there is something so sweet to enjoy in this time of anticipation. I feel good. We get to dream and talk about our baby, and his arrival will bring such unspeakable joy.

We're both practicing patience at work. He's dealing with some difficult staff issues. I'm slowly wrapping things up and attempting to hand them over to the freelancer who will be filling in for me while I'm gone. That process has not been as smooth as I had hoped. She's done the job in the past (about 4 years ago), but it all seems very slow to come back to her. Plus, there are new components to the job she didn't have to deal with before. We've been working together for nearly 2 months and there are things that she still hasn't gained a complete grasp on. I've been trying to figure it out - is it the way I've been training? Have I been too busy to help her fully understand the ins and outs of the job? Or is it her? I have to remind myself that I'm responsible to do my best in training her - and then I can't worry about it once I'm gone.

And then I'm practicing patience as I figure out what's next job-wise. Part time is not an option at this point (though it will be evaluated once I return from maternity leave) - I think that may have to do with the "hunker down" economic mode we always seem to go into during our fourth quarter (one of the joys of working in retail - everything hinges on how successful your Christmas season is). I'm simply at a place where I need to wait and see what God has next, though everything in me wants it figured out right now.

So we wait and hope and pray in the midst of so much that is unknown - at least to us.

trust

Late Friday afternoon, I learned my work-from-home proposal was turned down by our CEO. I left work pretty upset for a number of reasons and not all of them will I go into here. Mostly, I felt the greatest concern about income vs. being the kind of mom I want to be. I was worried, angry, hurt and disappointed and felt that way most of the weekend. It was a struggle to avoid getting caught up in a lot of bitterness. Thankfully, my mom reminded me that this was not the end of the world and that God has something better planned. We're entering a new season of our lives and this is simply an extension of that. More than anything, it's an opportunity to trust God. I'm a planner by nature - I like to know how things are going to go and like to have them mapped out beforehand. This feels like walking into a dark room, but I need to be okay with that. God knows what He's doing.

And then today, the VP over our department (who shared the news with me on Friday) emailed me to tell me that going part time is an option and asked if I'd be interested. There's much to be discussed and this is by no mean a sure thing or necessarily the right thing. It's a step into that darkened room and we're continuing to pray.

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In baby news, we were up for several hours last night keeping track of contractions. They started around 10:30 and finally stopped around 3:00 or 3:30. We called the doctor around 1:15, and he felt they weren't strong enough, so they didn't warrant a trip to the hospital. At our appointment last week, he did feel that I probably wouldn't make it to my due date of the 25th, but it's really anyone's guess. He also wouldn't check me since he was concerned it would "get things started." We'll see what he does this week, now that the baby is, by medical standards, full term. We're so ready to meet our little one.